58AFMADOW, SOMALIA—Utter global disinterest in the wholesale slaughter of 250,000 ethnic Bajuni people this week has caused Somali warlord Maj. Fortunate Charles to regret all the effort he put into covering up the atrocities. "I went out of my way to hide the corpses in secret mass graves, I burnt entire villages to the ground to destroy evidence—all for nothing," said Charles, adding that he had expected intense media scrutiny or at least some kind of U.N. fact-finding mission. "Next time, I'll leave them lying where they fall with the machetes still in their heads." Charles said he was also upset about the money he'd wasted on the custom-fitted Italian suit he had intended to wear while on trial in the Hague.
More News in Brief
Nation Currently More Sympathetic To Demise Of Planet Krypton Than Plight Of Syria
WASHINGTON—According to a national poll conducted by the Pew Research Center Monday, the vast majority of Americans are currently more concerned about the demise ...
New Documentary To Finally Shed Light On Nation’s Fast Food Chains
WASHINGTON—Americans across the country expressed their excitement Wednesday over the upcoming release of Value Meal, a feature-length documentary that will, at long last, shed ...
After One Realizes Methadone Clinic Nearby, Behavior Around City Block Makes Sense
NEW YORK—Though he was once confused by the number of frail, seemingly mentally unstable people concentrated around the Houston and Broadway area of Manhattan ...
