Once again, The Onion would like to remind readers that the lottery numbers appearing in our paper each day are our best guesses for that particular night’s upcoming drawing and not the winning numbers from the previous night. We regret any confusion.
The Onion apologizes for leaving the drawbridge down overnight.
Last Wednesday, The Onion used the word “jaunt” well over 10 times in the article “Suspect Jaunts Off With Stolen Cash.” The Onion regrets leaning ...
Last Tuesday’s edition of The Onion was actually the October 1990 issue of Sports Illustrated For Kids.