BRACKNEY, PA—Expressing both joy and astonishment, 55-year-old accountant Jacob Reynolds confirmed Wednesday that a recent rendezvous with a prostitute had left him completely and utterly satisfied on an emotional level. “I had no idea it would be such a deeply moving and fulfilling experience on every level,” said Reynolds, explaining he had assumed paying $150 for 30 minutes of anonymous intercourse with an exhausted and apathetic middle-aged woman would ultimately leave him feeling hollow inside, but instead his self-esteem was “through the roof.” “When I walked into that motel room, I wasn’t expecting to feel such a strong spiritual connection to another person, but I think we really shared a moment there. That was exactly what I needed. The world feels so much bigger and brighter now.” Reynolds later confirmed his blissful feeling of well-being only increased when he returned home, looked deep into the eyes of his wife of 30 years, and lied to her about where he had been.
More News With Video
Nation Just Wants To Be Safe, Happy, Rich, Comfortable, Entertained At All Times
Also Healthy, Fulfilled, Successful, and Loved
WASHINGTON—In a new report released Wednesday by the Pew Research center, Americans indicated that when it comes to what they expect from their country ...
Economists: People Who Paint Selves Silver And Pretend To Be Statues Make Average Of $10 Million Per Year
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Economists at Harvard University released a new study this week indicating that Americans who paint themselves silver and pretend to be statues in ...
FBI Offering $1 Million Reward For Any Information On Cheetahs
WASHINGTON—The FBI is asking any Americans with information about the eating habits, top speed, fighting abilities, or other general-interest knowledge of cheetahs to contact ...



85

