CHICAGO—Reasoning that he’s a grown adult who can eat food whenever he damn well pleases, local man Kyle Dunedin, 30, reportedly decided at 10:58 a.m. Wednesday that, fuck it, he was ready for lunch. “Who cares?” Dunedin said before putting on his jacket and leaving his office for a nearby sandwich shop. “It’s almost 11 o’clock, and I’m hungry. Do I give a flying fuck that it’s still morning? No, I do not. I’m getting food right now, and no one can do a goddamn thing to stop me.” According to sources, at 1:35 p.m. Dunedin had determined that, fuck it, if his coworkers were heading out, there was no reason he couldn’t join them and eat lunch again.
More News With Video
Economists: People Who Paint Selves Silver And Pretend To Be Statues Make Average Of $10 Million Per Year
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Economists at Harvard University released a new study this week indicating that Americans who paint themselves silver and pretend to be statues in ...
FBI Offering $1 Million Reward For Any Information On Cheetahs
WASHINGTON—The FBI is asking any Americans with information about the eating habits, top speed, fighting abilities, or other general-interest knowledge of cheetahs to contact ...
Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite
COLUMBUS, OH—In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday ...



452

