MOSCOW—With severe political instability, economic woes and a war in Chechnya threatening to tear Russia apart, Kremlin officials announced today that a man with a big stick will step forward to lead the troubled nation. Ailing prime minister Boris Yeltsin declared that he will step aside willingly, provided the unnamed stick-wielder was an imposing, burly man equipped with a stick of sufficient size to command total obedience and control. Russian officials have not ruled out the possibility of also equipping the man with large, hob-nailed boots.
More News in Brief
‘Grand Theft Auto V’ Missions To Focus Largely On Tutoring, Community Outreach
NEW YORK—Confirming months of speculation, developers at Rockstar Games revealed today that the missions in the upcoming Grand Theft Auto V video game will ...
Justin Bieber Recovering In Intensive Care Unit After Being Badly Booed
LAS VEGAS—Doctors at Valley Hospital Medical Center are reporting that pop sensation Justin Bieber is in critical but stable condition today after being admitted ...
Teacher Grading Papers Next To You On Plane Not Pulling Any Punches
ABOVE CONCORDIA, KS—Her pen mercilessly slashing its way through a stack of handwritten pages, the middle school English teacher grading papers next to you ...



0

