LONGMONT, CO—In a stern warning aimed at critics of Mazdas everywhere, area man Matthew Hunker, a longtime Mazda driver with two Mazdas in his garage at home, said Thursday his loyalty to the car manufacturer was so strong that he would be willing to kill in its name. “If I catch you or anyone else talking rudely or disrespectfully about Mazda or the Mazda family of automobiles, then God help you, because I’ll break into your house at night and snap your fucking neck,” said Hunker, raising a clenched fist and adding that the Japanese company’s ability to deliver style, affordability, and fuel efficiency, as well as top-of-the-line features like dual-zone automatic climate control, put it in a class all by itself. “I am not afraid of prison. You say one word against the MX-5 Miata, and I’ll kill you in cold blood like the sick infidel you are. I was born a Mazda man, and I’ll die one. Watch your fucking back.” Sources later confirmed Hunker was on the trail of a local consumer who allegedly questioned whether the subcompact Mazda2 was a better value than the Honda Fit.
More News With Video
Nation Just Wants To Be Safe, Happy, Rich, Comfortable, Entertained At All Times
Also Healthy, Fulfilled, Successful, and Loved
WASHINGTON—In a new report released Wednesday by the Pew Research center, Americans indicated that when it comes to what they expect from their country ...
Economists: People Who Paint Selves Silver And Pretend To Be Statues Make Average Of $10 Million Per Year
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Economists at Harvard University released a new study this week indicating that Americans who paint themselves silver and pretend to be statues in ...
FBI Offering $1 Million Reward For Any Information On Cheetahs
WASHINGTON—The FBI is asking any Americans with information about the eating habits, top speed, fighting abilities, or other general-interest knowledge of cheetahs to contact ...



130

