The Onion would like to apologize for erroneously stating that the Fillmore High School marching band car-wash fundraiser will be held Sunday from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. It will actually be held Saturday from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. The Onion recognized the time and date given were incorrect at the time of publication, but you, dear reader, have no idea—no idea at all—how control over the world's facts becomes a seductive temptress, ceaselessly tormenting our only too-human editors to feel the raw, exhilarating, godlike power of manipulating the truth for our own selfish ends. The price of a car wash is also $5 not $8.
A recent correction claimed that The Onion regretted an error when, in fact, it took secret pleasure in the error.
In last Saturday’s Travel section, the compass rose on the treasure map was askew. The Onion regrets the error.
Last Tuesday, The Onion accidentally printed a photo of a nun feeding an apple to a horse everywhere a photo belonged.