The Onion would like to apologize for erroneously stating that the Fillmore High School marching band car-wash fundraiser will be held Sunday from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. It will actually be held Saturday from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. The Onion recognized the time and date given were incorrect at the time of publication, but you, dear reader, have no idea—no idea at all—how control over the world's facts becomes a seductive temptress, ceaselessly tormenting our only too-human editors to feel the raw, exhilarating, godlike power of manipulating the truth for our own selfish ends. The price of a car wash is also $5 not $8.
The Onion apologizes for leaving the drawbridge down overnight.
Last Wednesday, The Onion used the word “jaunt” well over 10 times in the article “Suspect Jaunts Off With Stolen Cash.” The Onion regrets leaning ...
Last Tuesday’s edition of The Onion was actually the October 1990 issue of Sports Illustrated For Kids.