Dear The Onion,
Remember that guy from last week or so who was some kind of mayor or alderman? He was against wrecking something, like a building, or maybe it was a park? He didn't want some parking garage or gas station put in its place? Well, I disagree with him.
09.08.10
Dear The Onion,
How dare you tell me what the weather is going to be like, as if I'm some fool who didn't check exactly eight times before I left the house. I'm an adult, for Christ's sake.
09.22.10
Dear The Onion,
Is it my voice or your voice you're hearing when you read this?
03.11.09
Dear The Onion,
Who am I?
04.06.11
Dear The Onion,
Why is it that almost every time we pick up The Onion we have to read about another beached whale? What is this, The Onion For Beached Whales?
11.16.11
Dear The Onion,
I'm a cartoonist! Check it out: Garfield goes to the doctor and can't get an appointment because he lost his wallet. I can start Monday.
08.25.11
Dear The Onion,
Last week, I spent more than 15 minutes trying to find the continued story on page 12. This week, I checked page 12 again. What page 12 are you talking about, and how many weeks am I going to have to wait to finish the story?
10.24.09
Dear The Onion,
The articles in your Finance section are too complicated. From now on, could you instruct your journalists to use more hockey metaphors so that I know what's going on?
09.24.08
Dear Sir Or Madam,
Is it true that if I turn my parents in for treason the government will let me stay up to watch The Little Couple?
12.04.10
Dear The Onion,
I know your etiquette column said 20 percent is an appropriate amount to tip for good service, but I've realized that even if you don't leave anything, there's nothing anyone can do about it. Hope this helps!
11.17.10
Dear The Onion,
I like to tell my wife that she's a four-star chef, but I'm not sure if that's accurate. Would you mind sending your restaurant critic over to our apartment this Tuesday?
07.16.08
Dear The Onion,
There are three people in my household, ages 34, 28, and 1. We are all of Asian (Vietnamese) descent, and our combined household income is $50,000-$64,999. Now, I hope to see more advertisements that appeal to us in your next issue.
07.18.09
Dear The Onion,
Isn't it cool that in one of the infinite parallel universes that exist alongside our own, you're writing a letter to me!
06.05.10
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