All but assured the Republican presidential nomination, John McCain has begun discussing possible running mates. Who is on his short list?

Condoleezza Rice: Petulant-terrier look always plays well at foreign state funerals.

Tom Hanks: Just such a huge, huge fan.

(No nomination): As nobody has done nothing for McCain, McCain likewise intends to do nothing for nobody.

Hip, young blogger: To attract hip, young blogger voters.

Mitt Romney: McCain hates him with the burning hatred of a thousand exploding suns, which is always a good aspect of any president/VP relationship.

McCain's grandson: Doesn't really think he's qualified, but would you look at that face? How can you say no to that face?

Hillary Clinton: Just because it would be amazing to see the look on everyone's faces when they say "No way!" followed by "Well, it kind of makes sense."

Mike Huckabee: Bass player needed.