CorrectionsOpinion ISSUE 48•19 May 9, 2012

The Onion recently wrote that permanence is an illusion. We in the media strive to prevent metaphysical bias from coloring our reporting, and The Onion apologizes, even though news, like reality itself, is ephemeral.

More Corrections

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Last Tuesday, The Onion accidentally printed a photo of a nun feeding an apple to a horse everywhere a photo belonged.

The Birthday Girl

An article yesterday repeatedly referred to Hillary Clinton as “the birthday girl.” This was unprofessional and entirely inaccurate.

We're So Sorry

The Onion apologizes for its failure to meet the oh-so-high editorial standards of a genius such as yourself.