BP's oil spill has proven to be the worst ecological disaster in U.S. history, and with attention focused on the accident in the Gulf, many others—such as a pipeline leak that recently dumped 800,000 gallons of oil into a Michigan river—have been overshadowed. Here are a few that have been lost in the shuffle:

  • May 7, Scottsbluff, NE—The topsoil near Willie's house was slightly contaminated when he kicked over his beer
  • May 15, Boise, ID—Danny Nelson used 5 gallons of gas to clean an oil spot off a section of his new concrete driveway when his cousin Gilly parked a piece of shit camper on it for two days
  • June 12, Hollywood, AL—The explosion of a cotton-candy factory transformed the town and its surrounding area into a massive crystalline ant colony
  • June 8, London—The capital of England entered its 1,968th year without any sort of sewage system whatsoever
  • June 9, Minneapolis—An estimated 115,000 "Vote Franken" and 252,000 "Vote Coleman" fliers continued to blow around the city unchecked
  • July 7, Montreal—Though it delights many onlookers because of its novelty, a mayonnaise spill kills over 12,000 people and destroys 4,500 homes
  • July 23, Lebanon, PA—A citywide rummage sale released a cloud of musty gas reeking of old paperbacks and couch pillows, causing irritation to the eyes, nose, and throat
  • July 31, Lake Tahoe, NV—A truck carrying 200 tons of highly radioactive nuclear waste lost its brakes, racing down a mountain and sinking into the mile-deep lake, answering a small part of the question of where to store America's nuclear waste