Spike Lee will direct Mike Tyson as the retired boxer brings his life story to Broadway with a one-man show. Here’s what theatergoers can expect:

  • To add an element of verisimilitude to the play, Tyson has promised to spend every penny he makes from each show recklessly and immediately, so that he can start the next performance completely and utterly bankrupt
  • Just before the curtain rises, there will be a long, quiet period of introspection during which audience members consider their role in enabling a mentally ill convicted rapist
  • First minute will feature Tyson looking uncomfortable in a tuxedo, making price of admission immediately worth it
  • Discussion of Tyson’s childhood in Brooklyn, where everything was pretty good and he had no complaints
  • Elaborate flying sequence, if they can get the damn harnesses to work
  • Kids from the audience will be called on stage so Tyson can draw poor versions of his facial tattoo on their faces with a black Sharpie
  • To illustrate the emptiness Tyson felt inside after losing his world title, there will be nobody left in the crowd at intermission
  • Tyson will not make a fist until the very last moments of the show, when he will weep, slowly punch his own face, and fall to the ground as the lights dim and a distant ring bell is heard