In the past year, several military officers have been involved in major sex scandals, ranging from adultery to sexual assault. What do you think about sex and the military?

• 

  After a night of lovemaking with a female recruit, I honorably discharged my semen all over her tits.

  Randall Farber
  Private First Class

• 

  What did these women think would happen, parading around in front of their commanding officers every day—right, left, right, left, right, left...?

  Christine Forrester
  Math Teacher

• 

  The real problem here is the uniform--It's like a chick magnet, man.

  Alvin Buchwald
  Midshipman

• 

  I once had sex in the military, but my sergeant said it was okay, since I killed the gook bitch afterwards.

  Ed Delessandro
  Corporal

• 

  You people don't understand! There was a war on! It was rape or be raped! You can't imagine the horror!

  Leo Orff
  Lieutenant, USM (Ret.)

• 

  This has been a problem ever since Bill Murray gave M.P. P.J. Soles the infamous 'Aunt Jemima Treatment.'

  Janet Meyerson
  Systems Analyst