Millions Have Never Read The Onion

According to market research, there are millions of Americans who have never picked up a single issue of The Onion. What do you think?

• 

  “At least they still get most of The Onion’s intrepid reporting once it's ripped off by The Wall Street Journal.”

  Cynthia Conter –
  Animal Caretaker

• 

  “For their sake, I'm glad such mentally feeble individuals, bereft of the vital insight The Onion provides, will quickly die from their inability to navigate today's complex world.”

  Don Ryan –
  Sanding Machine Tender

• 

  “Ha! That's a good one! What is it, April Fool's Day? Oh, crap. It's June? I better call in to work and see if I still have a job.”

  Cody Ross –
  Attorney