14WASHINGTON—With a new study ranking it last among the 50 states yet again, Mississippi once more brought down the overall national average on another key quality-of-life indicator Monday. "We thought the U.S. had already hit rock bottom on [the statistical measurement of social progress]," researcher Charlie Ong said during a presentation to government officials. "But just look at this line graph before and after the data for Mississippi is added. See? Ugh." Observers noted that if you factor in truck-fixin' and waving from porches, Mississippi still does pretty good for itself.
More News in Brief
New Obesity Drug Delicious
CHICAGO—Following the FDA’s approval of the prescription obesity medication Pryvexa earlier this week, users of the recently released weight management pill have confirmed ...
Nation Excited To See Whatever Bile The Internet Spews Up Today
WASHINGTON—According to reports, the American people are currently rubbing their hands in anticipation for whatever vile, disgusting garbage the internet will eventually puke up ...
Scientific Breakthrough Reveals Stars Consist Primarily Of Twinkles
WASHINGTON—In a breakthrough study that experts say completely reshapes our understanding of the cosmos, a team of astrophysicists at Oxford University have discovered that ...
