Chase Utley is struck by a record-breaking seven consecutive pitches while sitting in the Phillies dugout

NBA Commissioner David Stern scores a respectable 12 points in the All-Star game

For the 11,472nd time, an NFL first quarter ends in a tie

Slow-ass NFL safety and cheap-shot artist John Lynch, who couldn't cover a receiver to save his life and was an obnoxious prick on top of it all, retires to little fanfare just like he fucking deserved, the miserable shit. Fuck John Lynch

During Bob Knight's on-court retirement celebration, the former Texas Tech and Indiana Hoosiers coach makes fans listen to Frank Sinatra's "My Way" for five straight hours

Wladimir Klitschko defeats WBO champion Sultan Ibragimov to unify the IBO, IBF, and WBO titles, which does absolutely nothing for the sport of boxing

A lot of cool shit had to have happened in the 2008 gliding championships

Lance Armstrong is forced to sit down with Jake Gyllenhaal and Matthew McConaughey and explain to them why they can't do the Tour de France with him

In his first at bat of the season, Rays rookie Evan Longoria hits a ground ball and accidentally runs to third base

The Detroit Red Wings win the 2008 Stanley Cup