0MAPUTO, MOZAMBIQUE–Mozambican officials declared a state of emergency Monday following the depletion of the nation's bathroom-tissue supply. "We are imploring Zimbabwe and Tanzania, please look into your hearts and think about loaning our nation just a few million rolls until we can go shopping again," President Joaquim Chissano said. "We are just sitting here." Chissano said citizens of the African nation are making do with napkins and paper towels until reinforcements arrive.
More News in Brief
‘Whitey Bulger Ordered The Murder Of 19 People,’ Reports Anonymous Rat Bastard
BOSTON—One week into the criminal trial of alleged mobster James “Whitey” Bulger, reports surfaced Monday that the accused organized crime kingpin ordered the murders ...
New Iranian President Really Impressed With Country’s Nuclear Arms Program
TEHRAN—After touring various energy plants and fusion reactors throughout the country, newly elected Iranian President Hasan Rowhani told reporters Monday that he is incredibly ...
Nelson Mandela Admits Thoughts, Prayers Of Millions Played No Part In Recovery
‘My Doctors Treated Me,’ Explains South African Icon
PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA—Addressing supporters Monday from the hospital bed where he is being treated for a recurring lung infection, former South African president Nelson ...
