After years of planning and negotiation, media mogul Rupert Murdoch will be buying Dow Jones and The Wall Street Journal for $5 billion. What changes will he make?

Paper will be given new, harder-hitting title: The Balls-to-the-Wall Street Journal

Full-color Page 3 chairpersons

Personally plans on crashing the stock market so he can start from scratch

Fridays will be casual fact-checking day

Conflicts of interest increased by 380 percent

Market headlines now in 252-point font

Update business card

Will finally bring Broom Hilda back to comics page