News in Brief

Nation Hit Hard

September 11, 2008 | ISSUE 44•37

NEW YORK—Faced with several tough factors, the nation has once again been hit hard, sources reported Tuesday. "It is unclear whether the American people will ever fully recover from this blow," said Dr. Gerald Davidson, an expert. "The country is still reeling from November's massive slump, as well as widespread skyrocketing in 2006. And let's not forget that staggering 13.9 percent rate." Davidson concluded that the only circumstance that could somewhat alleviate the dire situation is a boost.

The Onion

[x] Click to close

© Copyright 2012, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.