WASHINGTON—During a press conference Monday, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson unveiled this year's shipment of brand-new $2 bills, all of which will be sent directly from the U.S. Mint to the nation's grandfathers by month's end. "I'm willing to speculate that most of you have never seen one of these before," a grinning Paulson told reporters Monday, while gesturing to a sheet of 500 $2 bills, assuring those present that grandfathers everywhere will soon have the perfect gift for their grandchildren's birthdays, good report cards, or just for when they come over to visit. "You can spend them on Lemonheads or anything you want." Throughout the presentation, reporters politely feigned excitement, and afterward they impressed the secretary by accurately guessing whose face was on the $2 bill without having to look at the name printed below it.
More News in Brief
Ahmadinejad Signs On As Dean At Sarah Lawrence
BRONXVILLE, NY—Building on a decades-long career serving government and academic institutions in his home country, outgoing Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad officially accepted a position ...
Nation Admits It Always A Little Bored By Whole Jimmy Hoffa Thing
‘Why Is This Fascinating Again?’ Populace Asks
DETROIT—Following reports today that a new tip has prompted a renewed FBI search for the body of Jimmy Hoffa, the U.S.
Syrian Rebels, Government Think It’s About Time To Call Syria A Day
DAMASCUS—Two years into a devastating civil war that has left nearly 100,000 dead, caused incalculable destruction, and all but ruined the prospects of ...



1

