Opening next week in Detroit, the annual North American International Auto Show will once again introduce the world to a variety of new cars. Here are some of the models that will be showcased at this year’s expo:

  • Lincoln Town Car: Trunk comes already loaded with dead snitch
  • Toyota Prius Breeze: Toyota’s next generation Prius features a 120-foot-tall roof-mounted turbine to help power its hybrid gas-wind engine
  • Nissan Quest: There are all kinds of ways we could try to spin this, but let’s level with each other: It’s a minivan
  • Ford Masoch bondage car: Comes with full leather interiors and exteriors, multiple studded seat belts, driving mask, and child safety locks on all four doors
  • Honda Accord: Includes a new voice-activated response system that assures the driver he or she made a reasonable choice at a decent price
  • Buick Charity: Comes with NPR car donation form in glove compartment
  • Toyota Highlander: New model will hunt down every other Toyota Highlander
  • Chrysler Duchamp conceptual concept car: 2 feet of PVC pipe with the word “Sedan” written on it placed atop a white display pedestal