If you're plugged into the Dome's 24-hour sports-drip, then you've already got the night's top stories and highlights flowing through your veins. But Alex Reiser and Mark Shepard are back to inject a syringe of pure Dome straight into your heart.

Tune in to Onion SportsDome TONIGHT 1030/930c on Comedy Central

Tonight's stories include:

- In a story you saw here first, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick acts out on his jealousy and insecurity with a vicious acid attack on his quarterback Tom Brady.

- In California, 13-year-old Corey Lawrence is well on his way to becoming the most prolific masturbator in history with an incredible performance that has grabbed the nation's attention.

- And the inspiring story of a brave little Phillies fan battling cancer with the best medicine of all -- virulent hatred of Mets third baseman David Wright.

In the meantime, browse the OSN website for all the latest sports saturation, and catch up on the baseball-crime procedural the Washington Post calls "the tense, hip crime procedural hardball fans have been waiting for" -- "Late Inning Drama," and check out episode summaries on the show's episode guide.