2The 2012 NFL Draft is in the books, and the speculation now begins as to which teams gained football players and which ones gambled away their entire futures.
- Pittsburgh Steelers: Perennially good draft team somehow addressed its needs at guard, tackle, defensive line, and companionship
- Buffalo Bills: Had another remarkable draft, as all the year's major screw-ups somehow fell to them once again
- New England Patriots: All their draft picks are now Patriots players; those guys usually turn out to be effective
- Cincinnati Bengals: Although by all indications the Bengals made good, solid picks, it's always safest to assume they have fucked up horribly
- Minnesota Vikings: Picked an offensive lineman to protect Christian Ponder in the first round; as a result, no analyst has stopped laughing long enough to grade the rest of their draft
- Cleveland Browns: In one of the most endearing stories of the draft, the Browns used a first-round draft pick to select Colt McCoy's biological father
- New York Jets: Addressed some needs, but at the end of the draft found themselves with the same obnoxious fans in the stands and Tim Tebow on their roster
- Mel Kiper, Jr.: As always, the draft's biggest loser
