NEW YORK—The NFL announced Monday that its owners have voted to change the league's regular-season overtime rules, which now stipulate that games will be decided by whichever team is the first to make a really fucking awesome play. "The NFL is defined by the plays that are quite freaking exceptional, and our overtime rules should reflect that," said Commissioner Roger Goodell, going on to praise the sick-as-hell plays that decided games this January under new postseason overtime rules. "If teams aren't willing to run a double reverse and complete a wild pass 50 yards down the field, or pitch the ball three times and break a bunch of tackles as part of a dazzling quarterback option, they're not going to win the game." According to the new rules, kicking a field goal is a "total wuss move" that will not result in a win "unless it ricochets off a guy's helmet before it goes in or something like that."