Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the fourth week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • Von Miller: The Broncos linebacker enjoyed another relaxing week
  • Peyton Manning: After yet another dominant performance in the Broncos’ 52-20 rout over the Eagles, Manning has now proven without a doubt that PEDs can work wonders on aging players
  • London NFL Fans: Got a firsthand look at what a potential London-based NFL franchise would look like

Losers

  • Joe Flacco: The Ravens QB experienced a disastrous turn of events through his tried and true throw-the-ball-into-coverage-and-hope-everything-works-out strategy
  • Philip Rivers: Discovered the hard way that even throwing for over 400 yards and three touchdowns doesn’t change the inevitable reality that each of us, no matter whom, will one day perish amidst the unforgiving march of time
  • Josh Freeman: Made his strongest case yet to be a low-paid second-string quarterback for another few seasons before leaving the NFL entirely