Last week, North Korea announced it would suspend nuclear weapons tests and uranium enrichment in exchange for food aid, possibly signaling a desire for renewed negotiations with the United States. Here are some other ways relations will improve:

  • American children will stop being taught that Kim Jong-un is descended from a long line of evil dragons
  • North Korea to return an American Frisbee accidentally thrown across the Demilitarized Zone in 1962
  • Harlem Globetrotters will establish permanent Goodwill Outpost
  • David Lee Roth to sing one song on North Korean Van Halen's new album
  • United States will supply North Korea with four diesel generators to keep the nation's electrical grid on at night
  • 10 percent reduction in size of missiles shown pointing at United States in propaganda posters
  • U.S. film critics to be less generous regarding future trilogies by South Korean cult-thriller director Park Chan-wook
  • In his next speech, Obama promises to call South Koreans a bunch of pussies for not even trying to build a nuclear weapon themselves