Last week, President Barack Obama addressed the U.N. General Assembly. Here are some of the highlights of his speech:

  • "Who are you, and what are you doing in my country?"
  • "A special thank-you to Dominic's on 32nd for providing this 5-foot party sub and 2-liter of Dr. Brown's Black Cherry soda for us all to enjoy."
  • "The American dollar is strong and—please, stop laughing."
  • "Now is a time when we must do something about some problem, perhaps by working with others."
  • "All of us, not just he United States, must share in the fun together."
  • "If Iran continues to pursue nuclear weapons, then it will have to face blank and blank. Oh shoot, I forgot to fill those in."
  • "A dark blue 2009 Escalade bearing diplomatic plates and triple-parked on 1st Avenue has left its headlights on."
  • "I'm going to stop speaking now because I, like all of you, want to hear the crazy shit Qaddafi says."