WASHINGTON—Addressing the nation from the Oval Office this evening, President Barack Obama announced that a full-scale U.S. military invasion of the Islamic Republic of Iran is currently underway. “At this hour, we have deployed approximately 200,000 troops across the Iran-Iraq border as part of a multipronged military offensive against Iran,” said Obama, who confirmed the decision to invade was made unilaterally, without the explicit consent of any other world leaders. “To be clear: We are at war with the nation of Iran. On my orders, American forces have fully mobilized and begun striking selected targets with the aim of crippling Iranian nuclear infrastructure. These are the opening stages of what will be a long-term, protracted campaign.” Obama went on to dismiss the invasion’s impact on the presidential election, sternly reminding citizens that “we are in a time of war right now.”

Check back throughout the day for live updates from the Onion political team as it covers Election Day 2012.