Dear The Onion,
I'd just like to say there's no reason to change your oil every 3,000 miles. Your car can make it to 5,000 easy.
07.31.10
Dear The Onion,
I'd just like to say there's no reason to change your oil every 3,000 miles. Your car can make it to 5,000 easy.
07.31.10
Dear The Onion,
In my yard there’s a bird that’s been injured. Should I just go step on it?
01.28.12
Dear The Onion,
My wife and I got into an argument that we hope you can settle. Did she sleep with Jim?
02.23.11
Dear The Onion,
If anyone asks, can you say I was writing this on July 15 between the hours of 7 p.m. and 1 a.m.?
09.09.09
Dear The Onion,
It's about time your paper had a jingle. How about this? "Read The Onion every day!" Let me know if you want to hear the music.
07.19.08
Dear The Onion,
Here are some people who I think read this newspaper: important businessmen, hip yet aging Gen-Xers, and cute indie girls who wear cardigans and listen to twee music.
01.29.11
Dear The Onion,
I found all of the words in the Word Search! What do I win!?
06.03.09
Dear Sir Or Madam,
Is it true that if I turn my parents in for treason the government will let me stay up to watch The Little Couple?
12.04.10
Dear The Onion,
There are three people in my household, ages 34, 28, and 1. We are all of Asian (Vietnamese) descent, and our combined household income is $50,000-$64,999. Now, I hope to see more advertisements that appeal to us in your next issue.
07.18.09
Dear The Onion,
We need a copy of your Pearl Harbor front page to spin around quickly in a newsreel we're working on. I trust you will supply.
01.14.12
Dear The Onion,
My downstairs neighbors are super loud, and I am super passive-aggressive, so I hope this letter shames them enough to keep it down.
12.10.11
Dear The Onion,
Included are five UPCs, a 3-by-5 index card with my name and address, and $5.95 for shipping and handling. I can't wait to receive my Onion Features Editor plush doll in six to eight weeks!
01.16.10
Dear The Onion,
Congrats, you're the winner of a new cat (enclosed).
08.25.10
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