Despite trailing every other Democratic presidential candidate in the polls, Dennis Kucinich is still campaigning actively. Here is a sample day on the campaign trail with Kucinich:

6:45–7:00 a.m.: Unbuckle self from underside of the Straight Talk Express bus

7:45–7:50 a.m.: Gaze sympathetically at fly being shooed away from stack of syrup-slathered waffles

Noon–12:15 p.m.: Break down in tears in truck-stop bathroom, pull self together

3:00–3:30 p.m.: Stand in cornfield whispering policy to scarecrow

5:15–8:30 p.m.: Drive around South Carolina looking for vegan-friendly restaurant

8:45–9:15 p.m.: Pick John Edwards' brain

10:30–10:45 p.m.: Drop everything and call campaign headquarters to see if Leno, Letterman, O'Brien, Stewart, or Colbert called