Over the history of this institution, The Onion has published many stories that were, in retrospect, wildly inaccurate. The Onion would like to retract the following articles: "Taiwan Continues To Resist Mainland Rule," "China's Treatment Of Dissidents Under Scrutiny," "Chinese Ambassador Stalls Security Council Resolution On Darfur," "Chinese Restaurant Closed By Health Department," "Chinese Basketball Team Faces Olympic Defeat," "FDA Scrambles To Halt Contaminated Fish Imports," "Critics Pan Mad About You Series Finale," "'China Girl': Bowie's Unbearable New Single," and several more that we are unable to print in this space. The Onion regrets this unforgivable string of errors.
The Onion apologizes for leaving the drawbridge down overnight.
Last Wednesday, The Onion used the word “jaunt” well over 10 times in the article “Suspect Jaunts Off With Stolen Cash.” The Onion regrets leaning ...
Last Tuesday’s edition of The Onion was actually the October 1990 issue of Sports Illustrated For Kids.