Every Friday on IFC at 10/9c, Onion News Network brings you News Without Mercy, hurling 80 facts per minute in a full-frontal news assault. Here are last week's top stories:
Nation Elects First Openly Drunk Senator (Watch online now)
Woman Crying On Train Platform (Watch online now)
Potential School Shooter Gunned Down By Popular Jock (Only On IFC TV)
Report Finds Troubling Rise In Teen Uranium Enrichment (Watch online now)
FactZone Celebrates Five Years (Only On IFC TV)
U.S. Constitution Expires (Only On IFC TV)
Find IFC on your cable system and follow @ONN on Twitter during the broadcast for live updates and commentary from anchor @BrookeAlvarez.