Dear The Onion,
I will be out of town this Friday, so there will be no need to publish an issue.
01.14.09
Recent News »
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Romney To Undergo Gender Reassignment Surgery To Better Connect With Women Voters
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Biden To Honor Fallen Soldiers By Jumping Motorcycle Over Vietnam Memorial
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Quiet Temp Actually Very Untalented Singer-Songwriter
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Kennedy Family Releases List Of Tragic Ways Remaining Members Could Die
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Scientists Find Thousands Of Previously Undiscovered Species Cowering In Amazon Rainforest
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Alabama School System's Lone Textbook Falling Apart
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Fleet Of Ambulances On Hand For 41-Year-Olds' Touch Football Game
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Harrison Ford Chuckles To Self Upon Realizing He Hasn't Been In Movie People Liked In 18 Years
