NEW YORK—Although Paul Tagliabue will not address speculation concerning possible forgiveness of former color commentator Dennis Miller's heinous crimes against the sport, those close to the outgoing NFL commissioner say he is seriously considering using his powers to pardon Miller before leaving office. "Tagliabue knows that hard-line fans still want vengeance for Dennis Miller's constant clumsy references to the Battle of Thermopylae, Truman Capote novels, quantum physics, I Love Lucy, and everything else while they were just trying to enjoy Monday Night Football," said a source in NFL management who wishes to remain nameless. "In Paul's mind, the question is whether Miller's sentence is about vengeance or personal rehabilitation—not that anyone wants to see Miller on television calling a game again, if at all." An informal poll of Miller's 125 million formal victims indicated that over 85 percent would support Tagliabue if he granted Miller the death penalty.
More Sports News in Brief
ESPN Thinks It Can Just Casually Call Something 'Confed Cup'
BRISTOL, CT—Expressing confusion and annoyance upon reading the phrase, sources confirmed Wednesday that someone at ESPN thinks it’s okay to call something the ...
NBA Experts Rule Out All The Things NBA Finals Won’t Come Down To
Library Books, ‘Hudson Hawk,’ Mail Among Things That Won’t Factor Into Outcome
MIAMI—As the San Antonio Spurs and the Miami Heat prepare to face off in Tuesday’s Game 6 matchup, a group of NBA experts ...
Man Who Plays Game For Millions Of Dollars Called Gutsy
BOSTON—Several sources confirmed Friday that a man who is paid millions of dollars to play a game was reportedly called gutsy and lauded for ...



0
