The chairmen of a bipartisan panel on reducing the federal budget deficit have outlined a proposal that, among other things, calls for boosting the federal gas tax, raising the retirement age, and reducing corporate tax rates to as low as 26 percent. Here are some of their other suggestions:

  • Raise taxes on everyone in Rhode Island—it's not like they can do anything about it
  • Register the United States as a corporation in the Cayman Islands
  • Save $1.3 million in annual salaries by cutting back the Supreme Court to a less-extravagant three-judge panel
  • Drastic reduction in number of middle-school crossing guards at intersections—those children should know how to do this by now
  • Replace federal work force with a computer
  • Beginning in 2020, all Social Security recipients must work minimum of two monthly shifts at Smithsonian Air and Space Museum
  • $50 Air Force One checked-bag fee
  • Sharply increase taxes on the lower class, as the middle and upper classes each have a political party defending their interests