-
  • Reggie Bush Listed As Product For Sale On Nike's Web Site
  • Tim Tebow Impressing Broncos With Absence
  • Success Of I'll Have Another Making Nation's Other 3-Year-Olds Feel Inadequate
  • Pau Gasol Blamed For Making Kobe Bryant Sound Like Asshole
  • Bryce Harper Asks Manager Where Bats Come From
  • SMU Adds "Do Not Resuscitate" To Larry Brown's Contract

Sports News in Brief

Paranoid Kicker Thinks Team Purposely Scored Touchdown So He Couldn't Mess Up Field Goal

October 16, 2008 | ISSUE 44•42

HOUSTON—Texans team sources said placekicker Kris Brown exhibited signs of paranoia Monday when the 31-year-old repeatedly insisted that his team had scored a last-second go-ahead touchdown against the Dolphins to avoid letting him screw up a field goal attempt. "There wasn't much time left in the game, we were trailing, it was only three yards out, and I had already warmed up by kicking the ball into my net many times," said Brown, adding that he has always felt that the Texans do not trust, respect, or like him. "That's a classic game-winning field goal situation, so I told Coach I was ready to go. But he just shook his head, put his clipboard in front of his face, mumbled something into his headset, and had Matt Schaub run it in for the win. That's just callous." Head coach Gary Kubiak was unable to console Brown despite pointing out that the team had been losing by five points and that field goals, although very good things, only count for three.

The Onion

[x] Click to close

© Copyright 2012, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.