Shopping on the fixed budget of a retiree can be tough. Here are a few tips to help seniors stretch those retirement dollars.

  • Seniors aren't perceived as a shoplifting risk--steal wantonly
  • Coupons from the newspaper are a great way to bulk up that sandwich
  • Your decaying mind will grow ever more susceptible to infomercial scams as you grow older; smash your TV now for big savings later on
  • When buying a gift for an ailing spouse, be sure to save the receipt in case he or she dies
  • High-tech store security systems can stop your pacemaker, so be sure to wear a lead vest while shopping
  • Save big money on cancer treatment by clipping chemotherapy coupons from your Sunday newspaper insert
  • Debate receipt total with grocery-store cashier even if it's correct; arguing with old people is extremely unpleasant, and the cashier will give in just to make you go away
  • Don't speak too much to save on oxygen-tank refills
  • Write angry, rambling letters to elected officials