For years, The Onion has systematically cataloged all our web users' personal information: what they were reading, when they were reading it, and which articles they e-mailed to others. The Onion would like to offer its deepest apologies for not allowing advertisers access to this information sooner.
The Onion apologizes for its failure to meet the oh-so-high editorial standards of a genius such as yourself.
The headline of Tuesday's article about homegrown terrorism was not as alarmist as it could have been.
After defending Cindy for years, The Onion finally realized she’s no good. You were right.