Planet Made Of Diamond Discovered

Using data from NASA’s Spitzer Space Telescope, astronomers have learned that 55 Cancri e, a planet eight times as massive as Earth and just 40 light years away, is composed largely of pure diamond. What do you think?

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  “We’re so lame. All we have here is a bunch of dumb water and resources.”

  Perry Summer –
  Arboretum Director

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  “It must be pretty satisfying for astronomers to say whatever crazy shit they can think of knowing that no one will ever be able to check up on it.”

  June Shah –
  Escrow Clerk

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  “Oh, no. This is going to make my fiancée’s ring look even smaller.”

  Paul Lehel –
  Fuel Oil Delivery Driver