Last week marked the debut of both Sony's and Nintendo's next-generation consoles. Here's how they stack up:

AttributePlayStation 3Nintendo Wii
CostFucking ridiculousReasonably ridiculous
Ability to tear apart familiesSecond-to-nonePretty strong, though mostly because everyone wishes it were a PlayStation instead
The way your peers will view you"Dude! Can I come over and play that shit?""I'll come over, but don't tell anybody, okay?"
Special featuresSpeeds pace of evolution if touchedPlays Super Nintendo games
Love of ownerThis muchThiiis much
Madden"What you got here is a real powerhouse of a system that could emerge as a legitimate contender in this league""Small, scrappy system with a lot of potential. You gotta love this little guy's heart"
Parenting substituteExcellentExcellent