PITTSBURGH—PNC Park boasted a rare sellout crowd Tuesday when more than 38,000 eager Pirates fans showed up for "Fan Euthanasia Night," during which each attendee was guaranteed "the sweet release of a quick and painless death" courtesy of sponsor PepsiCo. "For a diehard Pirates fan who has been following this team for nearly 20 consecutive losing seasons, or really just anyone who watched them get beat 20-0 by the Brewers last week, this is certainly a well-deserved treat," said 46-year-old Jim Martin, walking through the turnstile to receive his souvenir program and his lethal dose of sodium thiopental. "I haven't seen so many people so relaxed and generally happy to be at a Pirates game in a long time." An estimated 200,000 Pirates fans who were unable to get tickets to the game reportedly listened to its radio broadcast while idling their cars inside closed garages.
More Sports News in Brief
Cleveland Browns Gearing Up To Punt Ball Down Opponents’ Throats
CLEVELAND—Claiming they want to impose their will against the competition, Cleveland Browns head coach Rob Chudzinski announced Friday that the team is gearing up ...
Skill Difference Between Top, Bottom High School Tennis Seeds Hilarious
PALATINE, IL—During a tennis tournament hosted by Fremd High School, spectators, coaches, and fellow competitors agreed Thursday that the massive gulf in skill levels ...
David Beckham Announces He’s A Quitter
PARIS—Following a storied 21-year career, global soccer icon David Beckham officially announced Thursday that, at the age of 38, he is a giant quitter.




0

