Pre-Millennium Tension

American Voicespatriotism ISSUE 35•03 Jan 27, 1999

With less than a year to go before the dawn of a new millennium, doomsayers are predicting everything from a global computer collapse to Armageddon. What do you think about the growing Y2K anxiety?

  • “You mean, in less than a year, the damned will be carried off to the sulfurous pits of hell by hideous, moth-winged reptiles straight out of a Hieronymus Bosch triptych? Cool.”

    Jennifer Voss –
    Teacher

  • “Technically, since Christ was actually born in 4 B.C., the millennium has already begun, and it is now 2003. So any self-respecting Y2K freak would have immolated himself back in '96.”

    Ted McGlothlin –
    Systems Analyst

  • “All I know is, I'm gonna be so hung over on Jan. 1, 2000, I'm not even gonna give a shit if the rivers run red with blood.”

    Fred Davalillo –
    Custodian

  • “In the next millennium, there will no longer be prejudice against gays. There will be space-prejudice against space-gays.”

    Joan Egan –
    School Psychologist

  • “Pre-millennial tension, huh? Whenever my wife gets that, she bloats up like a big sow.”

    Ronald Chance –
    Sales Consultant

  • “In preparation for the coming Apocalypse, I went out and bought a waterbed, which should hold about 300 gallons of vanilla pudding.”

    Eugene Amaro –
    Rental Agent