Our coverage of the president's recent speech at the State Department failed to mention Barack Hussein Obama's full name. The Onion apologizes to any readers who were left in the dark about what our president is.
Last Tuesday, The Onion accidentally printed a photo of a nun feeding an apple to a horse everywhere a photo belonged.
An article yesterday repeatedly referred to Hillary Clinton as “the birthday girl.” This was unprofessional and entirely inaccurate.
The Onion apologizes for its failure to meet the oh-so-high editorial standards of a genius such as yourself.