Biden Implores Obama To 'Rub One Out' Before Debate

'Don't Want Pussy On The Mind Out There,' Reports Vice President

Millions Of Excited Americans Gather To Watch Candidates Deliver Series Of Short, Elaborately Rehearsed Speeches

Mitt Romney Adopts New ‘Ronnie Ferocious’ Persona For Debates

Sasha Obama Asks Father Why He Was Acting Like Such A Pussy During Debate

Year In Review

Ryan Handed Romney's Latest Political Positions Before Walking On Stage

Biden Puts On Lucky Debate Suit

Disheveled Martha Raddatz Scampers To Moderator's Desk In Long Whitesnake T-Shirt

Security Removes Biden's Rowdy Buddies From Auditorium

Ryan Chugs Down Rhino Horn And Bull Semen Shake For Mid-Debate Boost

Biden Unleashes Torrent Of Vomit On Debate Stage

Eloquent Biden Brings Entire Audience To Tears In Debate Stunner

'I'm A Flawed Man, But There Is Love In My Heart' Vice President Says

Biden Shares 20-Minute Post-Debate Kiss With Janna Ryan

Nation Tunes In To See Which Sociopath More Likable This Time

First Question From Debate Audience Somehow Comes From Paul Ryan

Millions Head To Internet To Figure Out Their Own Opinions About Debate

Debate Cut Short As Lantern Fire Burns Down Ol' Town Hall

CNN's Squiggly Green Line Drags Squiggly Yellow Line Home, Beats Her

Live Coverage Of Last Night's Debate From Onion Politics

Tearful Mitt Romney Announces He Has Rare Disease Where You Can't Sit Quietly On Stool When Repeatedly Asked To

Both Candidates Announcing Unmitigated Support For Eugenics Virtually Only Way Tonight's Debate Will Matter At All

Romney Pledges To Replace All Foreign Policy With Jobs Right Here In America

Obama Takes Out Romney With Mid-Debate Drone Attack

Romney Delivers Stern Warning To China, Speaking Directly Into The Camera In Fluent Mandarin

Entire Nation Now Undecided After 4 Debates