Last week, The Onion mixed up the dates of the First and Second Punic Wars in the story "Bedford-Area Girl Kidnapped." The Onion regrets the error.
The Onion apologizes for its failure to meet the oh-so-high editorial standards of a genius such as yourself.
The headline of Tuesday's article about homegrown terrorism was not as alarmist as it could have been.
After defending Cindy for years, The Onion finally realized she’s no good. You were right.