Dear The Onion,
Rabbits keep getting at my Bibb lettuce. Can you print some big pictures of guns that I can put around the garden to scare them?
05.22.10
Dear The Onion,
Rabbits keep getting at my Bibb lettuce. Can you print some big pictures of guns that I can put around the garden to scare them?
05.22.10
Dear The Onion,
Coping with my husband's death has been very difficult for me; it would really help if you stopped printing articles with the word "John" in them.
03.09.10
Dear The Onion,
Sooooooo, my girlfriends and I have a bet and I'm the only one brave enough to write you a letter. Shut up, you guys, I'm doing it! Diane wants to know if you
shut UP, Diane, yes you DID! So anyways, Onion, my girlfriends and I
Candy, shut up, no I do NOT! Don't pay attention to them. Anyways, we were just wondering
GOD, Trish, that is NOT true! Hold on, Onion, I'll be back in a sec.
02.27.10
Dear The Onion,
Is America turning into a communist country? And if so, how do I apply for a job at the tractor factory? Thanks.
05.05.10
Dear The Onion,
Here are some people who I think read this newspaper: important businessmen, hip yet aging Gen-Xers, and cute indie girls who wear cardigans and listen to twee music.
01.29.11
Dear The Onion,
The articles in your Finance section are too complicated. From now on, could you instruct your journalists to use more hockey metaphors so that I know what's going on?
09.24.08
Dear The Onion,
After the carefully thought-out letter I sent last week, I can't believe you published another paper this week as if nothing happened.
09.25.10
Dear The Onion,
My husband's in jail. He's going to be there for at least six more years. Pretty cool, huh?
08.12.09
Dear The Onion,
How dare you tell me what the weather is going to be like, as if I'm some fool who didn't check exactly eight times before I left the house. I'm an adult, for Christ's sake.
09.22.10
Dear The Onion,
Hello? Am I in? Am I in the paper? Hold on...HONEY, COME IN HERE! Look, I'm in the newspaper. Right here, look, that's my name.
04.08.09
Dear The Onion,
The Yankees won the World Series. So what? Go fuck yourself.
11.20.09
Dear The Onion,
I missed the first 30 years of Garfield. Would you mind summarizing? Thanks.
03.12.10
Dear The Onion,
I don't like your tone these days. Would it kill you to end a few articles with "Thanks for reading?"
08.14.10
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