Last week, Britney Spears announced plans to divorce husband Kevin Federline. Here are the reasons the couple decided to split:

  • Passionate fire flickered out during burping contest
  • Writing team producing next album needed more material
  • Federline kept eating last Zinger in freezer without replacing it
  • Ran out of things to talk about
  • Stud contract required Federline be returned to breeder after second successful siring
  • Decision made by write-in vote for Kids' Choice Awards
  • Federline's late nights at the office became too much of a strain
  • Kevin was being all jerky and Britney was all like, "Get out. Jeez!"