Many couples find their relationships stuck in a rut after they've been together for a while. Here are some ways to rekindle the fires of love:
Remember: Fragrant roses, moonlit walks, and candlelight dinners are all wonderful ways to avoid addressing the real problems in your marriage
Communication is key to any relationship. Put down those binoculars, march right over there, and introduce yourself
Try buying your husband that watch he's always wanted, and then throwing it in the ocean to show that your love is more important than material things
Important: Homemade love coupons are not only fun, but they'll also save you hundreds of dollars when fucking your wife
Fresh fruit, fine wine and seafood are all known to arouse the passions. Cover the bed with them one night
Spice up your morning routine by shouting "Good morning, wife!" right into your sleeping spouse's face
Please, for the love of God, just stop doing that weird chewing thing with your mouth
Vary your lovemaking techniques by having make-up sex, break-up sex, and chased-around-the-front-yard-with-a-meat-cleaver sex
If you and your partner are having problems communicating, try and switch things up. Have your boyfriend call you an "impotent sack of balding failure," while you call him a "shrill, delusional hag of a woman"
Why not make a little game out of who has the higher income, with the loser having to clean the bathroom for a year?
Take your wife back to the place you had your first date, that magical spot in the Colorado Desert where you sipped wine beneath the stars, ran across the sand, and laughed with the ease of children, holding one other tight and—oh wait, that wasn't you. That was Clark and Emily Gundersen of Erie, NY