NEW YORK—After carefully analyzing the progression of contemptible things the Yankees third baseman has done in his career, a report released Friday by the University of Missouri's sports psychology department concluded Alex Rodriguez is most likely thinking about betting on baseball right now. "A-Rod hasn't done anything dickish in quite some time, so he has to be contemplating something truly despicable," said lead researcher Dr. James Lisanti, adding that Rodriguez is not likely to actually make a bet until New York is in a crucial playoff series. "At this point in time, we don't think he's heard of Pete Rose, but once he has, we expect him to attend one of Rose's charity events so he can ask him how he got caught." The report also suggested revelations of A-Rod's betting will not surface until after he has already been arrested for vomiting into a reflecting pool at the World Trade Center memorial, gotten a 16-year-old Disney Channel pop star pregnant, and been banned from baseball for testing positive for steroids a third time.