NEW YORK—According to the nation's sportscasters, a Los Angeles Lakers–Boston Celtics matchup in the NBA Finals will give analysts the chance to repeatedly intone the names of former Celtic and Laker greats in an unbearably reverent and dramatic tone of voice. "At the top of our pregame broadcast, or anytime they cut back to the studio, I can say, 'Russell. Chamberlain. Cousy. West. Havlicek. McHale. Worthy. Baylor,' in a tone suggesting viewers should feel emotionally transported by the sheer historic force of the Lakers-Celtics rivalry," ESPN's Michael Wilbon said on Saturday, explaining that sportscasters will be able to say "Magic…Bird," or "Bird…Magic," thousands upon thousands of infuriating times throughout the series. "And when we say or, rather, invoke these names, it's important to assume a solemn, transfixed expression that makes viewers want to shout, 'Jesus Christ, get over yourselves.'" Wilbon added that, as a result of the Phoenix Suns' loss, he is slightly disappointed to not be able to talk for hours about Steve Nash's injured face.
More Sports News in Brief
RGIII Assures Doctors He Can Barely Even Feel Knee
RICHMOND, VA—Putting the fears of coaches, fans, and the organization to rest, Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III reportedly assured team doctors Thursday that ...
Car Dealership Giving Serious Thought To Ending Sponsorship Deal With Jerry Sandusky
ALTOONA, PA—Admitting that the promotion has not been as successful as they would have hoped, salespeople at Mattingly Perkins Automotive told reporters Wednesday that ...
Report: Alex Rodriguez Has Asked 4 In 5 Americans For Steroids
NEW YORK—As evidence of doping continues to mount against the 14-time MLB All-Star, reports surfaced Wednesday confirming that throughout the course of his 19-year ...



0

